I have a letter from Adam, who had a HUGE breakthrough after he got the Foundations of Inner Game DVD Program…
Hey Bryan,
I have to say that I’ve barely cracked open your Foundations Of Inner Game DVD Program but all I needed was someone to articulate the mere EXISTENCE of this “Presence” concept. I still haven’t fully gone through your DVD set, but I see it working everywhere. Even in the clubs where no one can hear anybody.
Just being aware of this concept, I got three girls to leave the guys they were with and come up to me and start dancing… no joke. I have to say that before I got a hold of that first DVD set you sent me, it was indeed the whole need to be “taken care of” or “being wanted” that was my driving force.
Now, I’ve busted through those road-blocks and (as you would put it) this is where I’m “friggin solid.”
HOWEVER, I now have other issues creeping up.
Here’s where I’m shaky: I have this whole “I want a hot date to impress my co-workers” complex.
I no longer have such a DIRE need to “feel wanted,” but I see bona-fide couples around me doing the whole Tuesday night date thing and it’s freaking killing me. I do want a hot girlfriend…is there something wrong with that desire? Am I going about it the wrong way?
Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Adam
Charleston, NC
Hey Adam, glad to hear we could help you out with Presence, and thanks for your honesty here.
Your “I want a hot date to impress my co-workers” complex is common with a lot of guys.
I remember desperately wanting to go back to my high school reunion with the smokin’ hot woman I was dating at the time, just to show off how great things had turned out for me (I was NOT popular in high school at all)…
Won’t they be jealous!
The thing is, I wanted to PROVE something to them – to compensate for some sort of perceived lack. Check in and see if this feels familiar to you.
There’s nothing “wrong” with wanting a hot girlfriend… but if your self-esteem is dependent on whether OTHER people think she’s hot, then your confidence is EXTERNALLY generated, rather than INTERNALLY.
This kind of situation sucks because when your EXTERNAL circumstances change (i.e. she breaks up with you or it doesn’t work out), your self-esteem is S-C-R-E-W-E-D!
So, rather than trying to ensure you can keep around a hot girlfriend, it’s best to dissolve those insecurities at their roots.
A great way to start this is by asking yourself a few well-chosen questions:
- What are you REALLY trying to prove?
- What does it mean about you if you do have a hot girlfriend?”
- What does it mean about you if you don’t have a hot girlfriend?”
By asking yourself these questions, it will help you become AWARE of what’s UNDER that driving need to impress.
In the meantime, I invite the rest of you to consider right now:
Where do you currently find your greatest sense of self-worth?
- Does it come from your job?
- Your income level?
- Your car?
- Your social connections?
- Your hot girlfriend?
Take a moment to REALLY consider this.
If it’s external, it’s always bound to change at some point, and then you’re screwed. By honestly answering these questions, it forces you to get more REAL with yourself, and start looking at creating confidence that isn’t based on external circumstances.
The next step is to start cultivating a stronger foundation from the inside out.
In addition to the Presence practices that Adam found so powerful, you’ll find a step-by-step method for this in our Foundations:Revealed video (part of our Inner Game Training Program), where we cover the 3 Key Ingredients for cultivating a rock-solid Inner Game.
It’s a 1-hour video that will introduce these 3 Foundations directly into your neurology and connect you to your Inner sense of Self-Worth, INDEPENDENT of external circumstances.
The result: Women will feel your independence instead of a need for validation, and will be waaaaaay MORE drawn to you.
Which, in turn, will REINFORCE your experience of living in Abundance…
And the Upward spiral of success with women ensures that the cycle continues…
But it all starts at the rock-bottom with the FOUNDATIONS.
First things first!
