Wrote this while on a 6-month trip through Southeast Asia & India last year. Enjoy!
– Bryan
When I was a kid, what I wanted more than anything else was a Dukes of Hazzard big wheel. This is it. The 3-wheel “General Lee”!
Why? While I liked the Dukes of Hazzard TV show, what I liked even more was the fact that this big wheel had a spin-out HAND BRAKE on it. What did that mean? It meant I could pedal at top speed, then pull off turning 180 degree swerves, just like the kids in the commercial.
I wanted one so bad, and was clear that if I only had this ONE THING, The Dukes of Hazzard big wheel with the hand brake, I would be completely satisfied. I prayed to God that Santa would bring me one, and… he did!
My life was finally complete!
For about 15 minutes.
Then, the novelty wore off… and it was just another toy.
Years later, I had completely forgotten that lesson, when I played Super Mario Bros on a friend’s Nintendo. This was so far beyond the Atari games that I’d grown up with… all the secret levels, and cool tricks you could do on Super Mario, I
knew I’d never, ever get bored of that game. I was positive I wouldn’t even WANT any other games…
So I got a Nintendo, and sure enough, Super Mario held my interest, fully and completely!
For about 2 days.
It was beginning to dawn on me that that material fulfillment is a temporary fix, and NOT the promise of eternal happiness that it seems to be.
And then forgot it, and went out and bought the ULTIMATE game-to-end-all-games, Legend of Zelda. Until I realized, once again…
And so on…
I’d certainly forgotten this realization again by the time my attention turned from big wheels and video games toward the ultimate object of craving: Girls.
Women.
The Feminine.
LUSTING AFTER WOMEN
I was studying with one of David Deida’s teachers several years ago, and one thing he said really stuck out at me. Something along the lines of…
“We could fill this massive room with EVERY FLAVOR of woman you could ever imagine – vivacious fiery ones; cool, icy-gorgeous ones; sweet, submissive ones… Asians, Latinas, Norwegians… and you could have rocking, kinky sex every which way with every single one of them, fulfill every raunchy, taboo fantasy you’ve ever had… for 3 YEARS…
And at the end, you would still ask me the same damn questions about women that you’re asking me now.”
When it comes down to it, most of us chronically seek things outside of ourselves in order to feel complete. This is especially true with how we relate to women.
And it will NEVER be enough when it comes to women.
A YEAR OF MY FANTASIES BEING FULFILLED
This past year has been a LOT of fun. I’ve dated lots of women and fulfilled most of my sexual fantasies…
and, I’m starting to finally sustain the realization, on a deeper, ongoing level, that there IS no “Holy Grail” experience, some final event that will have me feeling fulfilled, long-term.
But after each experience, it was just like the Dukes of Hazzard Big Wheel.
In fact, there’s an almost existential hopelessness that sets in when I’ve “had it all” – and I realized that none of it really means anything as far as long-term fulfillment, happiness and satisfaction is concerned.
Sure, there are still women I’m interested in, and at times I’m practically INCAPACITATED by my attraction to all these exotic women that I see in my travels here in Asia.
In my clearest moments, it’s plain to me that every gorgeous woman I see who catch my attention, and seems to hold the promise of “ultimate satisfaction”, is just another form of the Dukes of Hazzard Big Wheel with a spin-out hand-brake.
Without a deeper context of appreciaton, my sexual desires would offer a fulfillment, at most…and THEN what?
The search continues for the next “peak experience”… the next “workshop high”… the next psychedelic journey, the next new hot girl, the next money-making opportunity, etc… each time, becoming clearer and clearer that NO “PEAK EXPERIENCE” IS EVER REALLY GOING TO FULFILL ME, REALLY.
No video game, no drug, no sexual experience and no amount of money is ever going to do it. NOTHING WILL.
How does that feel?
To come to grips with the fact that most of your efforts to bring meaning to your life, or to stave off loneliness or that sense of lack, are a crack-pipe quick-hit fix, at BEST?
THE ONLY WAY OUT I’VE FOUND…
I’m going to share with you the way out of this dilemma…
Ready?
Here it is:
Derive satisfaction from the simple pleasures.
My desire is to derive the same degree of bliss, freedom and fulfillment from an orgy with a harem of the bangin’est tantrika bikini models, as I would from a deep, full breath of air moving through my nostrils, into my lungs, and nourishing my body with fresh oxygen….
To enjoy a cup of hot green tea as much as a world-class blowjob.
THAT is my desire now.
Because when you’ve been there and done that…what’s left, but to deepen your satisfaction of the simple pleasures of being alive, moment to moment?
That’s why I’m here at the Osho Meditation Resort in Pune, India, waking up at 5:30am every morning, and doing all kinds of strange meditation practices… shaking, laughing, Sufi whirling, dancing, crying, jumping up and down and yelling the mantra “HOO!”
All kinds of things to take me out of the typical thought-stream of the mind and bring me into a deeper felt-experience of the present moment. Osho said that the Western mind wasn’t designed to simply do seated silent meditation – that we needed something more Dynamic to clear the mind, before we could sit with any sustained attention, and I’ve definitely found this to be true for me.
Ever since I set this intention to relax out of this search get my needs met outside of myself, from a woman or experience, and feel the satisfaction of WHATEVER is arising, independent of my external circumstances, I’ve begun to enjoy all kinds of simple things with a new appreciation now…
• Birds singing, and wheeling overhead
• Sunshine on my skin, the sensation of physical touch on my skin…
• Trees. Fucking WOW. Trees are amazing things, when you stop to really reflect on the nature of trees.
• My body. . I was sitting here at the resort after a recent meditation,just marveling at…”fingers”! The fact that simply by thinking/intending/sending the signal to these things, that they actually move– even as I’m typing these words, they’re following these instructions. And that they’re actually a conduit for helping me express complex ideas. How amazing is that??
From this place, of being with the total simplicity of life, EVERYTHING is a profound GIFT, especially women…!
And, as you might imagine, women are drawn to this depth of appreciation. How you relate to the world is a clear indicator of how you will relate with them…
I was out on a date with a woman recently here in India, and she saw me closing my eyes, slowly savoring each bite of curry, and suddenly I looked over, and saw her looking at me like she was about to pounce on me. She mentioned
later, that she instantly knew if I was savoring food like that, that I would savor HER with just as much loving attention.
Meals are actually a great place to start enjoying the simple moments. You don’t have to be at a meditation retreat to start relaxing out of your need to find the “ultimate fulfilling experience” – you can simply start right NOW, in your day-to-day life.
I used to eat meals while listening to music and checking email. Now, I turn everything off, and focus on each bite of my meal.
AMP “PRESENCE PRACTICE OF THE MONTH”: Conscious Eating
For each meal, remove any other distractions – no TV, email, reading, or music. Focus exclusively on the experience of bringing the food from the plate into your mouth, chewing each bite consciously.
Notice if your mind wanders, and bring it back to this moment of nourishing your body.
From the moment you put it on your fork or spoon, to the moment you bring it into your mouth, to chewing it, you’re paying attention to the sensation of the utensil in your hand, the food in your mouth, passing down the esophagus, etc…
Sounds easy? I find that on a good day, I’m still only Present for about 20% of the bites I take in a meal. Can you beat that?
Doing basic “Simple Pleasures” practices like this helps me deepen my appreciation for my day-to-day experiences–- and an ongoing reminder that I can find satisfaction in ANY moment – not just with women or some “someday” experience in the future.
Love from India!
Jan 11, 2010
Me and this Indian woman ended up singing some popular Broadway Musical Songs together, right here in the Mumbai
Train Station…
——————–
How about you? What’s a commonplace thing that you find simple pleasure in? Leave a comment below:
Fucking awesome!!!
Great essay; When you can make the simple profound and the profound simple then you are at peace.
Yeah, but I can get a cup of tea on any corner LOL
I couldn’t relate to what you were saying up to the part about losing interest after sex… after climaxing, that’s when I thought each guy was JUST. SO. WONDERFUL.
LOL. Different biology.
My mind finally saw what you meant HERE (I left in the parts that MOST resonated for me):
“The search continues for the next [“THIS” is the answer]… the next “workshop high”… the next money-making opportunity, etc… each time, becoming clearer and clearer that NO [one external thing] IS EVER REALLY GOING TO [MAKE me feel anything, FOREVER], REALLY.
No amount of money is ever going to do it. NOTHING WILL.
How does that feel?
To come to grips with the fact that most of your efforts to bring meaning to your life, or to stave off that sense of lack, are a crack-pipe quick-hit fix, at BEST?”
I wasn’t searching for a peak experience to fulfill me.
I was searching for an answer to provide safety, and a clear path to success.
I think I do a deliciously saturatingly good job of appreciating… mmmm… many times a day, I’d say! ;-)))
My next step is to work on providing my own sense of safety, even while in chaos, as consistently as I can.
And accepting that no feeling is forever.
Thanks for the last 25 minutes in my day, Bryan. Glad that I let you in!
LOL… it was such a deep and beautiful reminder for me… I thought it was 45 minutes!
Dear Bryan: I am glad for that you have discovered another piece of life. I am a 65 year old widower and have had the oppertunity to enjoy a lot of lifes most beautiful experiances, along with those not so beautiful or gracious. As a child I basically lived a leave it to beaver life. But what everpowers in this universe they decided to give many paths to travel down. As you age and mature you will enjoy the things that this realm that we live in has to offer. Be greatfull you have discoverd this, many never do. There is one thing I have discovered after 65 years. Do you know what is better then a blow job??? NOTHING!!!! Trust me on this! Enjoy anyway. Sincerley:J.R.Magdos
Awesome, article. It speaks to me on many levels and I can relate to never seeming to have my needs fulfilled, even after experiencing great sex with a hot woman. I’m satisfied for a day or two and then the hunger for an even hotter experience returns. I’m going to focus on the simple pleasure, taking life one sweet bite at a time. Namaste.
Brian
Bryan, you are, as always, a huge inspiration and a source of unnerving annoyance at the same time. What do you MEAN that three years of hot, wet, kinky sex with any woman I want would be ultimately unsatisfying. Ok, so you’re right! Big deal! Couldn’t you have let me figure that out after the first year or two?!!? 🙂
Seriously, dude. This is killer stuff. Thanks for putting another solid stone on the path that I’ve been building for the last month. It is becoming clearer each day that my experience of joy, fulfillment, freedom, and satisfaction in life has NOTHING to do AT ALL with what’s going on in my life. It isn’t the great woman with the amazing abs. It isn’t the young one with the crazy fuchia hair and the pierced nipples. And it isn’t even the incredible things we’ve all 3 done together. It isn’t looking out over a 700 person room, and watching the dance party lock in and click up a notch, cuz I knew exactly which track was needed at that moment … it isn’t any of that any more than it is the cup of tea.
If I actually get responsible for my life and my happiness, I can be every bit as happy in any of those situations as I can sitting on Haight Street playing a drum and asking for spare change so I can buy some food.
It isn’t even the satisfaction of having some particular quality as a human being. It isn’t even the satisfaction of being the kind of human being who can be authentically satisfied in any circumstance. It is the satisfaction, peace, and deep happiness that comes from simply being authentically satisfied.
Great hearing from you, Jason!
Hi Bryan,
Great to hear you outside of your box and seeing the world, it is always a good place to start learning about yourself.
I hate to say it but you sound like a many other males who think with the head in their pants not on their shoulders. Who ever said satisfaction and the meaning of life was having sex?
Yeah, we all recognise that boredom that sets in after playing with a new toy or a new woman but the difference is when you meet a person with whom there is a true exchange of emotion between each other and only then you will really understand why sex is called making love. It is at this moment that you will feel an ecstasy way beyond the best BJ in the world which incidentally you wil find will come from that same person.
All the rest is just fun and sensations, with love it is passion, intensity, meaningful,sesual, really and I mean really sexy, not just some pretty eye candy doing it for fun or dollar bills.
The bad news is………. it’s not easy to find.
Good luck and love and peace
chris
Hey Chris,
Not sure how you heard that I was saying that satisfaction and the meaning of life was having sex. But the intensity of the desire for having sex is often a driving force for us guys that IMPLIES a deeper satisfaction than it actually offers.
And, I agree that when we bring the heart into lovemaking, there’s massive richness available beyond the charged experience of “having sex”.
Thanks for the share.
B
Totally… everything is experienced inside, so the solution couldn’t be outside.
Haven’t seen a way to fulfill that beast except through starvation.
John
Bravo.
I am happy to read that you have experienced the true pleasures of moment to moment awareness in simplicity. The taste of greentea, the sensation of energy coursing through your fingers, the suns warm radiating on your skin, nature revealed through trees and the song of a bird.
These are all elements of divine pleasure, the source of true happiness which is also found within oneself. And to think you had to go all the way to India to find it.
Many of us do.
Big time. The more I look outside, the more I usually go “Huh. Now what?”
ROFL. Wise words, J.R., wise words.
Okay, this is probably the best article I’ve seen here. So vivid and truthful. Nothing more to say.
Let me know if you ever enjoy your tea as much as you enjoy a blow job.
There’s a lot to be said in enjoying the moment, and I do. I try to focus on the moment and enjoy just what I’m getting. But the intensity is just so much higher in sex. On the other hand, when I’m finished, I’m never wondering why I was attracted to the girl I’m with. I’m still attracted, and enjoying her company as part of my ongoing life (I avoid one-nighters, except the ones that weren’t planned that way but turned out to be single-event relationships afterwards).-tc
Yeah, enjoying a cup of tea as much as a blow job may be an asymptotic “always approaching zero but never completely getting there” type of things!
Thanks for your share
– B
Hey Brian,
I thought this was a great post. I’ve savored each bite and love the sounds of birds chirping early in the morning its been a practice for me, but unlike you I have yet to derive pleasure like receiving a blow job. I think that is pretty intense and wouldn’t mind reaching that level.
Daniel
Bryan, I have to agree with you 100%. I’m 65 and it has taken almost all of these years to come to the same conclusion that you have….except you did it at a much younger age. I have done all of these things you have….and Yes….it was the same ending. Now, I savor every moment as if it’s my last, and appreciate, anything, everything, including the good with the bad. Keep up your excellent blogging and I will stay an enthusiastic reader, as well as a thankful man.
Your friend,
LEE
You can also enjoy now me really liking this article 🙂
Maybe you finally made it. Live in the Now (Thanks Eckhart Tolle)
Be spiritual. Be thankful for everything and everything everyone else has. Find a beautiful lady that is into the same spirituality, bright, intelligent, sensuous, sensual, drop dead gorgeous. I did. The interest does not stop with ejaculation. It is just a high point in the road of love. Love yourself first is the key. Then extend the love to everyone and to her. Be real. We have an absolutely beautiful relationship. I don’t need to look elsewhere, my heaven is here.
I just ordered some thai food and I will try to focus on the experience! Thanks for the inspiration!
Nice piece, Brian, but what are you doing at Pune? Seems like you ain’t learned shit.
Not that there’s anything wrong with going to Pune. I’m sure it’s a great time.
It’s just that it’s just another blow-job, isn’t it? The answer is inside yourself. Not at yet another seminar, meditation retreat, or whatever.
On the other hand, the real problem is worrying about shit like this instead of just enjoying life and whatever it is you feel like doing, like going to Pune.
Maybe I am getting too old for this stuff.
Thanks for the reminder that life is not all about acquiring one toy (inanimate or animate) after another. I agree with your conclusion that learning to live with yourself one moment at a time is great. But speaking as an intimacy coach – in my view learning to live intimately with someone you love provides even greater, more enduring satisfaction.
Hey there Ed…
Totally agree on this… and while this is the first time I’ve really mentioned it publicly, I’ve recently had some tremendously heart-opening experiences with a woman, and am now in an exclusive relationship. I feel young and new to matters of the heart…and, massive richness here.
Thanks for the share.
B
Emotions
I learn from the Book Power vs. Force of Dr. David Hawkins a lot about emotions, he design with Kinesiology a Map of Conciousness, is all about emotions i redesign my own map so i find emotions counterbalance each others, the one i do work more often are:
Grief vs. Peace
Fear vs. Joy
anger vs. acceptance
So like you with food, I stop the movie daily life, and chose Joy and let it go Fear, so i can back to enjoy life, and there is a good one, is allways in my mind when i read your letters of AMP,
Desire vs. Reason
I have to confess that most of the time Desire win! but like Osho said, “just fulfilling our desires we can set ourselves free from them” whatever that means. the best articule i read from you about Desire.
Adrian O.
Adrian O.
This is the coolist blog that I have come across, Bravo!!!!
I love your BLOGs… and I learn so much about men…. I have finally found a partner that loves the way you describe; with his eyes open, fixed on me, slowly but positively…. It is truly amazing. He appears to savour every second… and that is a true gift. Funnily enough, I have descibed his love making as “making love like a woman” 🙂
nice,.. Though I’m not ready to let go off the chase (I’m still attached to it, like i’d be missing out if i don’t get as much Pu##y as I can) But I do connect deeply to morning silence, at a park or just outside my door. I feel connected to the world when it is silent, and only the trees breathe…
I find simple pleasure in singing rock n’ roll at night! Im a lady by the way so it’s a bit unusual.
Great article Bryan. I’m jealous. I want to take a 6 month trip to India 🙁
Bryan,
I am glad that I read your article. The simple things that really makes my day is sitting in room looking outside the window when it is raining lightly. This send me in mood i cant describe. I feel at peace with myself.I feel myself being transported in seventh Heaven. it is just a wonderful feeling.
I’ve found that there were/are times where I do exactly what you’ve said; marvel at trees, sunsets, grass blowing in the wind, wind, the cosmos, how I am able to stand and the muscles and tendons in my body keep me upright, the biological system that is my body is so coordinated that with only two points of contact on the ground, I am limber and agile enough to walk from point A to point B, even while shitfaced drunk. Amazing!! I marvel too at my ability to do intricate things with prehensile fingers, like tying my shoes in a slow and methodic manner. When I tie my shoes, I actually take pride in doing it “correctly”, a little pleasure I can enjoy in the privacy of myself. And from time to time, when the food is especially tastey, I too savor every bite followed by every gulp of coke or beer to chase it down. In those moments, I am truly happy, however I’ve never thought to actually volitionally do it. These things just happened when I was in the mood for it. Doing it “on purpose” is such a simple and mind-numbingly obvious thing, I feel rather stupid for not thinking of it years ago.
Ever since the No Woman Diet, this practice for me has been about finding that place between the ocean of femininity and the dry land of abstinence, and playing in it. The hardcore pick-up artist’s dirty little secret is that women will never satisfy him absolutely. The ascetic’s is that he lives a narrow, dry life and witholds his sexual gifts. Both ways work, at least in the short run, for some people. Neither works for me.
With regard to food, I am lucky in many ways because I was brought up by parents who made mealtime sacred in a way. Dinnertime was family time and, though conversation was permitted, it was expected that everyone sit down and just eat. TV and other distractions would have been unheard of. I did not appreciate this facet of my upbringing until much, much later. Even so I do have frequent lapses, especially when it’s food I don’t like. For instance last night I used way too much seasoning on the fish, and found myself busy with my smartphone while chewing!
Thank you for bringing out your insights and sharing your gifts with us, Bryan Bayer. Love from NYC…
Jeff
Bryan that was an excellent post and so true.
Thanks
I had an experience like that after I watched Avatar in 3D. When I left the cinema, the first thing I was aware of was that my brain was sending signals to my body’s muscles, and they were responding, resulting in me walking. Then I got in my car. When I turned the key, it felt like I’d just prodded a beast with a stick, and it had woken up. Then I put it in gear and started driving, and it felt like I was giving the beast instructions, and it was actually obeying them. I had this moment of panic, because what if it suddenly wanted to go left?!? I also appreciated the world in a new way too. Would have been nice to have all those orgies you mentioned, though.
I tried to focus on eating my toast, cheese, and egg this morning. I closed my eyes and it tasted a little better. I’m just scratching the surface of consciousness but I like it.
Sometimes I close my eyes outside too and see so many colors. It’s a treat. I blow out all the air in my lungs just to enjoy slowly taking in the new breath.
I’m also enjoying dancing with the kids when we watch Yo Gabba Gabba on tv and listen to the lovey trippy music. You reminded me that I really need to get a nice big wheel for my 3yr old son. They provide great exercise and fun. peace.
Beautifully said, and so true. I can relate. I had the same lust for Super Mario and Zelda…
i understand it the climax you can join in every situation….i have had it playing music and breathing——-there’s not the problem of ejucalation or not
Hey, nice post.
I’d recommend to check out the work of DR. Dawid Hawkins, if you haven’t already. His work is all encompassing regarding the human condition.
Love,
Johannes
Aloha My Brother,
Simply…
YES!!!
Keep shinin”.
Blessings,
Sky
Oh man, what a great read!
Totally feel I want to travel again.
Looking forward to read more of your travel stories Brian.
Thank You!
Bryan, you (and Decker) are getting better with age (or I’m just seeing you differently) 🙂
Simple pleasures – enjoying the sound of the fountain across the street, taste of peanut butter, feel of the trail under my feet, scent of a woman, being in my fear (whoaaa!), the feel of my girlfriend’s skin.
That savoring food story reminded me of the first date my gf and I went on. We had sushi and I did the same thing – eyes closed, really enjoying the textures and taste – she damn near raped me in the park afterwards 😀
Keep up the excellent work!
B-)
Hi what a wonderful concept to communicate.
The next step from this point of appreciating the simple things of the creation is to commune with the creator,
God wants us to enjoy him as well as all the gifts he has given us that you mention.
All our exquisite pleasures in life, particularly sexual experiences with enthusiastic members of the opposite sex, have been given by a loving creator who wishes to help us enjoy them to the full. Many people miss the best by not including God in the process.
In my life I have had my most enjoyable sexual times with my wife as a direct result of studying what God says in the Bible as to how a man should treat his wife and she responds beautifully (as she was created to do)to my loving encouraging ways and she loves to respond to giving me great pleasure and hear me praising her for her efforts.
This is God’s way for us and we will never reach the best unless we acknowledge him in all the process.
Hey I am glad to hear that you are enjoying the great gifts in the creation, long may you do so. Regards Tom
After you have eaten and fucked the juciest delicious cunt in the world,,, what else is there ????
Good one Bryan. I so relate to your appreciation of simple pleasures ‘in the now’. For me it really started in 1993. I was one of motley crew of 3 assembled in Brisbane (Queensland) by old skipper of 46 foot sloop ‘Halcyon 1’ to help sail it across Tasman Sea to his home port in New Zealand. As cook & fixit man I quickly realised ship needed major refit. Problems plagued voyage. The head – loo – broke down. (Swinging out over bow in safety harness for daily constitutional was exciting remedy two of us used). Wind-vane steering unit tore out of deck, water got in auxiliary engine via faulty exhaust box, etc. We had only short range ship-to-shore radio comms. Mid-voyage with wet engine we saved battery power by keeping nav lights off at night when hove-to. This meant all-night watch roster, I had midnight to dawn. One pitch dark night with 25-30 kt wind shrieking through rigging I sat out on deck with cup of cocoa and mused that if we went down now, our chances of survival were low. Then I looked up and through scudding cloud saw the most magnificent display of stars I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Suddenly I became very calm, accepting and in awe of spectacle high above. That was a special moment for me. I’ve learned to derive much pleasure from little things; blustery days, an early-morning bird call, the day’s first cup of tea, observing wind direction, watching cloud patterns. And yes, women are wonderful!
In my experience you are getting it and not quite there yet. You are still looking outside yourself, you are just focusing on something different and more natural and simple. You are on a meditation trip so insights abound. All that is very good and was helpful to me as well. What happens when you get back home is everything.
For me, the real value is in the failure. Love the beautiful experiences but the failure is where it was at here.
Just a flavor…
What I did is to seek to make a better life and learn new life skills similar to what you are doing. What I did was I was
aiming for the perfect “Ben”. I suffered deeply from perfectionism. I was striving for the perfect personal “me” according to my arbitrary standards of perfection.
So in my case, thought and ego wanted complexity, drama, pleasure and perfection from its point of view. I believed the whole story. I have had so many beautiful spiritual experiences I cannot count them.
The difference now is that I tired myself out and failed to achieve my perfect state. My human perfection striving by my own standards failed. Living up to the most beautiful spiritual dream couldn’t be achieved through my self will, and my thoughts would not let go of it until I was willing to throw it all over board. In my case, that was a gradual process of seeing clearly in phases and waves what I was trying to do to manipulate life my way and also why I wanted to do that. Some people don’t have to go through that.
I would suffer, see clearly, have cloud parting experiences and then open. Looking back there were many rounds over the years. It was pretty brutal at times emotionally. Your initial realization “NO “PEAK EXPERIENCE” IS EVER REALLY GOING TO FULFILL ME, REALLY.” is it.
Then you went looking for simpler easier peak experience. ;o))
See the game thought plays? You get a great insight and leading, then thought comes in and co-opts and tries to make it into a new path. Thought will never get it. This is a dead end. It is not something your mind can know or your senses can experience. Pretty radical to write but true.
You are doing what I did thrashing around searching for the answers in the world and our knowledge of it. Yeah! You are getting rewards for being deep and attracting women with your authenticity, but clearly you aren’t scratching your real itch; otherwise you would not have written this blog entry.
In my case, what is dying and died was my belief
in my thoughts and knowledge and that the knowledge in the world had the answers. My thoughts and what is available in the world no matter how beautiful and esoteric is not it. It is a dead end from my experience. This presence in each of us totally fulfills.
It doesn’t care if you get laid 5 times a day by super models, make a bazillion dollars, or are a serial killer. Really!
Thank God I am living through my dependency on the false and limited to discover that it is not about any viewpoint or requirements about life. There is this openness and presence and it is enough. It totally fulfills. The world and all its beauty does not satisfy completely. This nothing does.
I know you sense that presence. I can tell from your descriptions. You just aren’t completely clear YET! What I had to learn is that you get absolutely nothing out of it and that is the most wonderful nothing. Thank God someone came along and pointed that out to me. I am passing it along. I would have flailed around until this body\mind died.
I didn’t get here on a winning streak, by making all the right moves. This arose when thought and ego ran out of options and had to give up.
Who am I to write like this? Someone that has been the ardent seeker to find what was real and true is this eternal presence that is with us. Actually it contains us.
Also, I am not special. I see it so clearly in so many people and you are one of them.
In this presence there is great humility. Also, in this presence is 100% confidence and no desire to worship thoughts and world knowledge as providing the final answers… no matter how deep or beautiful. It is fine to learn new life skills to make a better life. Nothing wrong with it at all. There is something much closer and more fulfilling that satisfies no matter what is happening. If that is what you are really after then see through the rest as you are.
We still have human experiences, flaws, and do stupid things. This is not about perfection. It about this perfection that sees through all that and is eternal, clear, and contains all our humanness.
You will do as you will. I sure did. No delusions here that what I write is that important, but maybe I sow a seed? Only you will know.
All The Best!
Ben
Touche Ben,
Agreed there’s more to open to here…
Today’s breakthrough is tomorrow’s bullshit egoic clinging…
Thanks for this!
My current girlfriend saw you recent email on my computer & the last 3 days when I ask for a blow job she brings me a cup of green tea instead….thanks a lot. ALLEN H.
LOL!
That was an interesting article…
I used to be a rock climber, Lands End to John O’Groats cyclist, etc etc.
Now I am disabled, with an intractible knee problem. Can’t walk. Can’t ride my bike. Wheelchair user.
And what I have discovered, this last few weeks, is that my home suburb of Nether Edge, Sheffield, England has the most beautiful trees imaginable.
I used to have to go out in Derbyshire to experience ‘beauty’ – now I have discovered that ‘beauty’ begins in my back garden, then just goes on and on………
So thanks for that…….
Ian
“I would rather carry stones with a person of understanding than eat honey with someone who doesn’t understand.”
Everything EVERYFUCKINGTHING!!! becomes …??? amazing! incredible! moving! when you are able to breathe and slow your mind. The trees 🙂 I can absolutely relate . Last weekend i stood drenched in a warm autumn sun ,the wind was up …. I stopped and watched the myriad of colour dancing in unison… and when i put my attention on the sound that was generated, it seemed to amplify , and it felt as if all of it was happening just for me. It was a moment of pure bliss and i savoured it for as long as i could.
As i tried to describe the feeling to a friend later , it was euphoric ,not unlike the energy we all seek from the feminine.
and..” quite similar to an lsd trip” (its been 30 years)
but all natural ( and without the stricnine pains).
Brilliant post !Absolutely bang on !
Reminds me of one of Deida’s passages about chasing or tails ,searching for what is already inside of us… and the tails looks suspiciously like a woman” LOL
You guys rock!
Jeff